Sorry Mom.
Anyway that day I did something that seemed like the scariest thing in the world but also like the thing that might save my life (all the fifteen year old drama here, y'all, forgive me please. Then again, it did change my life completely.).
I came out to my mom.
She was, of course, wonderful. I hated myself but she loved me always and completely and supported me until I had no choice but to try to love and accept myself too.
With each year, I came out to one more person, another small group. At the end of high school, my closest friends all knew (minus Ashleigh, who I thought had known for years but just thought I really appreciated the female form. Bless. Love you.). By the end of college, I was dancing with my girlfriend at a gay prom and applying for a fellowship to travel the world meeting gay people and attending pride parades.
Of course, the coming out process never ends. There are still those moments where my heart beats out of my chest before I say the words or on the other hand, when that familiar shame drifts over me as I hide. Still, I can honestly say that every strange look or bad name thrown my way pales in comparison to the confidence and relief that comes with being myself.
One of the cards my mom sent with me has the following quote from Harvey Milk:
"Coming out is the most political thing you can do."
Every person deserves to feel okay, to have a mom or dad or friend who refuses to let him or her fall all the way down that rabbit hole of self-loathing, to know that home is home no matter who he loves or doesn't love, no matter what gender identity feels right.
Unfortunately, it is not possible for every person to come out. Whether it's because personal safety is at stake or because financial security and continued access to education end at the closet door, not everyone can afford to step out and wave the pride flag.
By some struck of luck, I can. I can come out and hope that with every new person who comes out, it gets even just a little easier and safer for those who are in danger or afraid.
Thank you, mama and Stephen and Cole. Thanks to everyone who has made it possible for me to be open and feel support instead of fear. Y'all are amazing people.
Thanks to my queer community at home and to those all around the world who create safe spaces and make it possible to take one step at a time toward being open as well as provide comfort and help when it seems like there is nobody else who will.
Happy National Coming Out Day!
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